Happiness

What does happiness really consist of? Having everything you want or having everything go your way? Of is it just knowing that in the end, God will be there and everything will work out ok? Sometimes I just can't seem to find the happiness I'm looking for...at times I just feel like even though I know God is there, I can't smile and feel ok and know that it's all alright. I go through times like this a lot, and most of the time I wonder if there's not something wrong with me. No one else seems to go through this quite as often as me. I'm not saying I'm never happy and that I can't see the good in life at times...it's just that most of the time, all I see are the bad things. I've been called pessimistic and told that I'm just one of those people who always see the glass as half empty, but that's not what I want. I want to be like those people who always see the good in life, who always have a reason to celebrate because even though things are bad they know that God is right there by their side. I know that He's here, but sometimes it's just hard to really feel Him. It's like I know it in my head but just can't feel it in my heart sometimes. I look around me and see good things, but my mind just lets the bad outweigh it all. Or I always find a bad side to the good. Why can't I just be happy and satisfied for once in my life? Why can't I just be the daughter and the friend that others need me to be? Why am I constantly focused on the things on my plate right here, right now? Could it be that I've got too many things on my plate? It can't be, because I know others have way more to deal with and think about....but I still feel this weight pushing down on me most of the time and I just can't seem to get rid of it. It really is like the saying, I feel like I've got the world on my shoulders. But more like in my chest...and it doesn't seem to be going anywhere anytime soon.