Brokenhearted

Wow it's been a looooong time! I forgot I even had this thing!

So life has been pretty good. At the beginning of the summer I started a Beth Moore bible study called Breaking Free with my amazing friend, Darbi. I must admit that at the beginning it was really tough to get into it because each day takes atleast 30 min. I wasn't used to spending that much time with God as sad as that sounds...but after the first few days I really began to enjoy it and I feel like I've grown so much closer to God. You always hear that you need to read your Bible daily, and I've tried it but it's hard to find time. But I never knew just how big of a difference spending time with God everyday would make. He's amazing! I'm now beginning week 5 of the study and although somedays are hard to get through, I usually am excited about what I'm going to learn that day..I've never really been like that before! Well today's lesson was about mending broken hearts. "He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted"-Isaiah 61:1. Just about everyone has had their heart broken in some way...and it is more painful than anyone can possibly describe. This lesson was a tough one because it's so hard to completely turn your heart over to God and let Him fix it...we just want to hold onto it and try to fix it ourselves. But the part of the lesson that was so amazing to me (Darbi pointed it out) is that when God applies pressure to our bleeding heart, the pain gets even worse. But then the bleeding stops. I thought I had turned my heart over to God, but during this lesson the pain in my heart was so bad I thought it was breaking again. Maybe that is God applying the pressure...or maybe I haven't fully given Him every piece of my heart yet. Either way, I know that for my broken heart to be healed, I have to give God all the pieces and trust that He will put it back together again and have it in better shape than I ever did on my own. God is so amazing....I don't know how I went so long just living to typical Christian life of going to church and that was it. God gave me life, so I am going to give my life back to Him. Sometimes it's hard to trust Him with it because, as humans, we like to be in control. But God can run our lives so much better than we can even imagine.

So I'm still pretty nervous about going off to school....but having gone down there twice with some friends and visiting the College Life House I'm less afraid than before. I know that there are some pretty amazing people there who only want to follow God with everything they have. I've seen how much my friends have grown since they've gotten there and I can't wait to grow like that! I already feel like I've learned some things just the two times I've gone there. On Sunday I did something that I would ordinarily never do! When I went to church at Rocky Point the preacher decided that he wasn't supposed to preach that day, so they passed microphones around and had ppl talk about how they'd been blessed. One little girl in the balcony stood up where I couldn't see her and asked for prayers for her mamma because she was having cancer surgery and she didn't know if she would make it. I knew exactly how that little girl felt...and I had this urge to talk with her. But this was the first time I had been to this church and I had no idea who the little girl was and I couldn't even see her. But after a while I decided I wanted to find her. So I asked my friend, Jake, if he knew her cause I wanted to talk to her. He didn't, but during the invitation we went up to the balcony to find her. We did and Jake told her we wanted to pray with her. I talked to her and found out that her mother, Shannon, was about to have her 3rd surgery and she was scared she wouldn't make it. Wow. My mom had 3 surgeries too and I was scared of the same thing. So I did something that I've only done one other time in my life...I prayed out loud! It was just her, Jake, and me (and anyone else who might have heard me), but I was soooo nervous! But I decided that I wouldn't let that stop me because I knew that all this wasn't just a coincidence....so I prayed the saddest excuse for a prayer that anyone has probably ever heard and stumbled over my words a lot! It really was pitiful lol. And the whole way back down the stairs my heart was still pounding...had I made a mistake in doing that? I really thought maybe I had...but then I decided that was just the devil trying to discourage me. I knew in my heart that I had done what God wanted, even if it wasn't the best prayer in the world. Jake knew I was nervous and he prayed with me after that and said that was a pretty cool thing I did. That made me feel a little bit better...God can work through people. I don't know if us going to talk to that girl made any difference in her day at all, but I still did what God asked. And I know I would have regretted it for a long time if I had ignored that feeling I had. I've never had a feeling quite like that! But don't get me wrong, none of what happened was because of me. God did it all. He never ceases to amaze me....

Ok I'm going to bed! Gnight!