So....I'm just waiting for my mom to get home from work so we can go get my government book. Yay. More money gone! School sucks. I hate it. I have pretty much none of my friends in most of my classes so I just sit there by myself....I'm beginning to realize that I pretty much stick to a certain few friends so without them I am all alone and miserable. I sat all by myself at lunch today because everyone else has a different lunch. And even the ones that are my friends are kinda leaving me out. Ashlie is friends with Katie again so that puts me on the back burner. I don't think she means to, it's just that she has so many memories and good times with Katie that they have more to talk about. I went to the bathroom during govmnt since we had no class and when I got back she had moved tables and left me there. Then in yr book she has her old group. Justin, Riley, and Katie. She barely said two words to me in there....and that was to tell me to pass out some papers cause she had something to do.
I guess I'm just having a little pity party for myself here. Nothing feels right lately. And I hate it that people call you their best friend just because they find out your mom has cancer. But when it comes down to it they don't even talk to you on a regular basis. Just leave it and call it what it is. You've moved on, so just let it go.
I'm worried about my mom. She got out of bed and did the dishes and laundry at almost midnight. Said she couldn't sleep. My dad said this morning that he came home from work at around 1:30 am because she called him crying due to the pain in her ear. I can't imagine what she's feeling right now. I stopped by her school on the way home and 3 of the teachers had on pink bracelets that said Hope and gave her one that says Strength. They are really trying to support her.
But then there's people here at home that are really beginning to tick me off. Don't yell at her when she asks you to do something. Don't tell her you are watching the season finale so you can't do it. It hadn't even started yet! Don't go in your room and lock your door and not open it when she asks. Then you yell at her again because she let Easton know where you are. Quit yelling at her! Quit being rude, uncaring, and flat out selfish. She has cancer! If she asks you to do something as simple as sweeping the porch or burning the trash then do it. It's not that hard. She shouldn't even have to ask. And it shouldn't take her getting cancer for you to help out. You should do it despite all that. Get your act together. And the thing is your not the only one. If someone is legally an adult and has moved back in with their parents after leaving, they CAN help out. Get off your lazy butt and do something. I'm sick of you.
Basically life sucks right now. This won't bring my family together. If she's gone, our relationships probably will be too. She is the only reason half of us even talk. I just don't know what to do anymore. I can't talk to you anymore. I'm too angry at you. I don't know what to say to you. I don't know how to trust you anymore.
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Wow. Sounds like a bad day. :( As far as school and your friends are concerned, it almost sounds like God is wanting you to just totally rely on Him. I know that sounds unfair, but maybe He just wants your undivided attention right now. As for your family members, all I can tell you is to be the best example you can be. You can't make choices for them, but you can do what you know is right and show your mom how much you love and support her by your actions. Use every opportunity to show her, even when they don't. It's ok to be mad at God. It's ok to cry out to Him. But in the end, you know that when you look up and everyone else is gone, He will still be holding your hand. I love you and I'm praying for you.
~Darbi
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