Somedays Just Suck

My mom had 3 doctors appointments today. She got her stitches removed and then got all of the results about the things they removed. She is going to have radiation and 2 types of chemo for 7 1/2 weeks. Radiation will be five days a week and chemo will be one. She won't start all of it until she goes to see an oral surgeon because the chemo may mess up her teeth if any are brittle. They are going to put in a port for the chemo and and she will also be getting a feeding tube because they think she will lose too much weight. After all of the chemo and radiation are done they will use cyberknife to be sure everything is gone. They said that in that side of your neck and face you have 37 lymph nodes and they removed all of them. 27 were cancerous. They took blood today and did all kinds of things. They have to go to a class about chemo next week sometime and she still has a lot of appointments. My dad said that they basically threw everything at her today and knocked her off her feet. She is really scared, but she doesn't really show it.

I picked up Easton from daycare again today and I have to get him tomorrow also. I didn't go to Brent's game because it would have been too hard with him. My dad went straight to the game because they thought it was only an hour long and had already missed 30 min, but my mom got too tired and I had to go pick her up and help her to the car. Then I went to get pizza for everyone and when I got back Grandma and Pappy were here. They were just stopping through on their way back from San Antonio. My mom is going to try to go to Freaky Friday at school with me tomorrow if she's not too tired. It's a half day but she is going to have my dad go and walk around with Brent so she can leave when she gets too tired. I told her she doesn't have to go but she is going to try anyway since it is my last year. We'll just have to see what happens.

It's amazing how hard it is for me to get over things. I try to not let it bother me and when I don't see them it doesn't. But when I am around them I just can't take it. I feel angry but more than anything just hurt. And it frustrates me so badly that I can't just drop it and forget it like she apparently has. But when I pull in the parking lot in the mornings and they get out and are all matching because we are supposed to dress up for homecoming week, it sucks. I can understand them not including me because I wasn't really close to them anyway. But I included you in everything I did and with my other friends, but yet you leave me out of yours and everything you do. It's frustrating. You talk to me when it's just me and you. But if I'm around you and them I'm completely ignored. That's why I haven't attempted to dress up. That's why you are all at the high school for the senior tradition of beating the drum and staying there all night long and I'm sitting here at home. Because I know that if I went I would be ignored. You would act like I didn't exist. And then I stop at chicken e to get a dr pepper for my mom and your friends happen to be there and I wave and they act like they don't see me. And I hate that I can't just drop this. I hate that it hurts me that badly to see you with them. I hate that I had to leave yearbook and go sit in Coach Groom's empty class with him because I couldn't sit in there and watch the two of you ignore me. And the thing is you don't even seem to care. Why does this get to me so much? When I'm not around you it's just whatever because I don't have to face the fact that you dropped me. But when I'm at school it's shoved in my face daily as soon as I pull up. Man I just want to forget that I ever trusted you or thought that you were a good friend. And the thing is you were. But that's just it. You were a good friend.

So to put things lightly today wasn't such a great day. Everything just seemed to go wrong. I had to run an 800 in athletics and almost died because I am so out of shape. I hate that I've gained so much weight the past few months. I want to lose it so badly. I have seriously put on about 20 lbs since I didn't run track last year. So frustrating. But I guess I've complained and rambled enough for one night huh? I've got to go read some history packet for english anyway..