Worry is Like a Rocking Chair

So I made my own blog! I decided I can just write things here rather than on myspace where everyone asks me why they're all private. No one I know will read this so I can write whatever! Yay! Well I'm Jessica and I live in Texas. I'm going to be a senior this year and I am sooo scared to graduate and start my life! I have no idea what I want to do! But I'm trying to trust God and know that He will show me the way. I just made this to be kind of like a journal....just a place to write down my thoughts. So here goes nothing!

So my mom has been going to a lot of doctor's appointments the past few weeks. Some days she has more than one. But the last one didn't go very well. The doctor thinks she may have cancer in a gland in her neck. He wants a test run to see for sure. They said it couldn't be scheduled for a week but he said that he wants it immediately. So the appointment is monday...my first day of my senior year. My best friend Ashlie lost her mom to cancer in march. She was diagnosed the first day of school our sophomore year. A little too coincidental for me. I'm not superstitious by any means....but this scares me a lot. What if she really has cancer? What will happen? She holds my family together. I've always been afraid that I would lose my parents while I was young since I am one of the youngest. I mean with my sister being 30 and my younger brother at 14, my parents are as old as some of my friends grandparents. But it was always just a fear. Now it could become a reality. Brent is only 14! We can't lose our mother. And what about college? I was considering going to Tech next year....but if she's diagnosed I don't know if I will want to move 4 hrs away. And I was planning on going overseas as a summer missionary right after I graduate...but that would probably change, too.
Maybe I'm jumping the gun here. I mean she hasn't been diagnosed yet. It's just the urgency of the doctor makes me believe that it just has to be. But then I feel like I'm not trusting God. I just feel so worried that I don't even want to talk to Him. I'm just so scared. More scared than I've ever been. Why can't I just have faith and trust Him? I mean Ashlie losing her mom is what ultimately got her to church and to get saved. But I'm afraid that if I ever lost mine I would run the opposite direction. So now I feel like I have absolutely no faith. It's just so hard. God, please let her be alright. Let it just be an infection like we all hope. She's in Your hands. Please take care of her.