Days Go By

Another day is past. I've been thinking and tomorrow is my mom's last normal day for a long time...maybe ever. Who really knows. She asked me today why Ashlie hasn't come back to our house. She thinks it's because of her. She thinks that Ashlie watched her mom die and doesn't want to see it all again. Maybe that's a little true, but I don't really think so.

Today I went with Sheri and my mom to Brent's CC meet at Country Day...but when we got there they had flip flopped the schedule and he had just finished. So we stayed to watch the varsity guys cause I wanted to watch Sabino and I needed to take pictures for yearbook. But that's the only race we watched. Then we got Brent some new running shoes, ate at Taco Bueno, went to Target, and came home. Then I took Brent to Max's birthday party and as I was leaving Josh and Matt pulled up. Then when I got home my aunt Dee had just pulled in. She brought food and Josh and Matt brought gifts from their cruise. He got me some perfume. Then Coco called and told me that Eric said I had no choice and better get over to their house right then. I thought I wasn't invited, that's why I didn't stay, but I guess I was. So I went and hung out with Coco but we weren't there long. Then we went to Ross and Claire's in Mansfield and later ate with her parents in Cedar Hill. Now I'm home.


Coco came over for a little bit last night and we talked for a while. It's amazing that even though I've pretty much lost Ashlie, she's still here for me. I told her that I hadn't even told Ashlie the results from my mom's tests because we never talk and she never asks. The only person who asked was Katie. So we talked about how Ashlie has pretty much dumped me and Coco said that I now I know how she felt. And I know she's right...I had already thought about that actually. I figured it was what I deserved. But she knows that I know I was wrong and that I'm sorry, and she is still here for me. It's actually kind of crazy, but my throat was hurting last night because talking to her was the most I've talked to anyone in a long time. I go through my days at school barely talking to anyone. I talk to Darbi, but never really in person. But the point is, I'm glad to have my old friend back. God has blessed me in that matter. He's given me two great friends, Darbi and Coco. Each one different, each one there for me in different ways.

I'm not going to school on Monday. I'm going to go up to the hospital while my mom has her surgery. I didn't tell anyone at school that I won't be there, not even Ashlie...only the teachers because I had to ask for my work. I didn't bother because no one will care. The ones who do know what's going on. That's all that matters to me anymore.

So after I got finished writing the last blog the other night my dad explained to me everything that is going on with my mom. She will have the surgery monday, she will be in the hospital for a few days, she goes back after 2 weeks to check on things, then 4 weeks later she starts chemo and radiation. The chemo is to make sure that it hasn't spread beyond what they can see. It is the strongest kind they have so she will have to stay hydrated at all times. If she doesn't get enough fluids she will have sudden kidney failure. She will lose some of her hair. It will cause sores in her mouth and she may have trouble eating, but if she loses 12 lbs they will put in a feeding tube. He said she is very scared of that. She said that she doesn't think she can make it through all of this. She told him she's not afraid to die. She knows that she is going to heaven and isn't scared. But she just wants to see her kids graduate. The surgery and the radiation give her 40% chance of a complete cure. Adding the chemo gives her 55%. It's going to be really tough for her. And it worries me that she doesn't think she can make it. Like maybe she will give up the fight. We all just have to encourage her. To help her stay as strong as possible. Everyone who heard that it hadn't spread is congratulating me and is really happy. Yeah, I'm happy it hadn't spread. But it's not all going to be an easy ride from here. It's not like she will have the surgery and that's it. Ther is still a very long road ahead of all of us. But it's not the doctors who can cure her. It's not the doctors who can give her an estimate of how much longer she has. It's God. He's the only one who can cure. He's the only one who knows when she will take her last breath. All we can do is trust Him. All we can do is pray.